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Saturday, June 7, 2014

But God, y'all....

So, I probably won't be posting this one all over my Facebook page.  In the spirit of that, I'm sure it will land there... and today, I'm just so okay with that.  I'm writing because it's what I do... and it's how God's walking me through this thing called life.

This piece of my writing world is for the single gal.

More specifically, the single gal who has been married ... and isn't anymore.

Even more specifically?  That gal who has children.... at a wedding.




See, there was a day I didn't "do weddings."  Actually, there were a few days I didn't do weddings.

Most of those came after a very painful divorce from the *love of my life.  I'm not being dramatic there, either, folks.  At the early age of 31, I had loved the same fella for over half of my life, and been married to him for half of that.  Big deal stuff.

I'm pretty sure the brides that I loved circa 2006ish understood when I couldn't smile at the cans on the back of their newly-wed-mobile.  My heart felt like one of those rattled around, smushed up cans and there was no amount of fixed smile, cute laugh, and "pretend I'm crying over your beautiful wedding" that could mask that I was dying inside.  I couldn't listen to you do the "I Do's", because the one who was supposed to stay with me forever had just crossed over to the Land of "I Don't."  It was a season of UGLY crying (think purple like Barney),  and it was best left at home.  I was a walking poster child for pain, tears, and Kleenex.  It was brutal.




But God, y'all.



BUT GOD.....


See, in the time between 31 and 38, I've had a personal encounter with the Healer of hearts... and today as I went to the wedding of 2 of my most fantastic friends, I realized that mine is all healed up.  The *Love of my life is now Jesus.

You hear me?  ALL.  HEALED.  UP.

He always protected my heart for marriage.  I prayed specifically for that.  I prayed that He would not let the goof up of one guy put a hurt on my heart that turned me into a Mean-Girl-Fella-Hating-Machine... and He honored that request from the jump.  I think marriage is beautiful.  Always have.  Always will.

Shoot.  We should have a party just about that! :)  That's some GOD's BEEN HERE material that makes me SMILE. :)




In fact it could be another whole blog post, so back to the wedding we go.

Today was amazing.  We celebrated the beauty of their relationship and how they have followed God's plan for their lives.  We celebrated what it looks like to wait for His timing to join two hearts.  We celebrated a marriage that not only gave them each other, but my friend's son the most awesome Daddy known to man.  We just plain out celebrated the fruition of prayers, patient love, and God's plan coming together in perfect fashion.

It.  Was.  Beautiful.  Nothing could mess up today.

But (isn't there always a "but"?),  it seems that this single gal had forgotten one thing....




The toss.  I forgot about the stupid toss.  
(Oops.  I mean the Throwing of the Bouquet that I'm sure has some beautiful historical significance.)
Every once-married-now-single woman knows what I'm talking about.  Don't act like you don't, girls. :)

Little known secret?  The Bridal Bouquet Toss keeps many women away from wedding receptions.  I'm just sayin'... we can tap dance around it all we want, but a lot of women don't love this part of a wedding unless they are already engaged.



If already engaged, it's a wow-fest.  A moment.  It goes in your wedding scrapbook.  Heaven shined down when you caught the bouquet because every angel up there knew you were next and ensured that this side of heaven commemorated the same.

If a teenager or 12 year old... or 5 years old, it's cute.  A big "Awwww!" kind of moment.  Your mom tears up.  One day you'll get married, but today you're holding married-girl flowers.  Awwwww.



If 38 with kids and previously married, it's like.... um.... where is he?  Where is he?  SHE needs a HE.  STAT, people.  This. Is. An. Emergency.



(Ladies, may I suggest sitting by the friend who is a new Mommy and PERFECTLY willing to throw a burp cloth in front of your face so that that really excited guy across the room can't point out that you are not a joiner? Yeah.  Totally worked.  Do that.)



Anyway, like it or lump it, this is how it goes down.

So, how does one do this with charm, poise, and grace in a moment where the world is demanding you celebrate your mid-life singleness with every female child, teenager, and college student in the room at your side?

Today I found my answer.  I don't.

I knew I would not be bouquet catching today.  I just made a choice to leave that lovely tradition to the ladies who had not yet experienced the beauty of marriage at all and who wanted to be part of the tradition.

For me, it's symbolic.... and it's totally a ME thing.

See, I'm not standing in line for God's man today or the hope of him.  I'm not in a waiting game for him to arrive so that I can start the business of living out God's plan for me.  I'm not hunting him down, either, or fishing for him on SingleDudeWhoLovesJesusAndHasntMetSingleGalWhoDoesToo.com .

I'm just living the life put before me and knowing that God's preparing His guy's heart and mine at an equal pace.  I'm LIVING today like none other and when God places His man on the scene, He will let me know.

See, pre-marriage and immediately-post-divorce, I looked at marriage through a set of almost desperate young eyes.  What if I didn't get picked?  What if there wasn't someone out there for me?  What if the love of my life didn't reciprocate that love with a diamond on that bare left finger of mine?  Oh, the humanity..... what if, what if, what if.

But my God, ladies... He's not a God of "What if".

He is the God of I WILL.



He will love you beyond anything you could ask or imagine.
He will give you grace upon grace when you goof things up... and even say "What mistake?"
He will hold your heart when life makes you break out the Kleenex.
He will know your needs before you know them, and patiently wait while you tell him every detail about them.
He will honor the desires of your heart (because He PUT THEM there).
He will even change your name and give you a NEW NAME.
He promises to be Father and Husband all rolled into one.
You will never go without with Him at your side.

So, that sounds lovely.   But how has it worked out for me?

Here ya go...

I wear two silver bands on my RIGHT hand to remind me of my priorities.

One is Him (God).  Two is them (my kids).  Three has no band, but it's anything that honors Him and blesses them.

I made the big choice to wear NO RING on my left hand.  That's a big choice for single gals, but I dove in head first.  Know why?  I'm not married.

Wearing a ring over there was false advertising with intent for me.  (The sole goal of it was to ward off the scary dudes... but, I learned quickly that scary dudes aren't deterred by a wedding band.  God's guy is, though.)

So, I freed up that left hand as God freed up my head and heart.  Marriage is beautiful, but I'm not there, yet, and that's more than okay in His eyes.

Having a ring on my left finger and a man at my side doesn't make me whole.  Making me whole is a role that ONLY my Jesus was meant to fill.

Do you know what kind of freedom is there to love God's kids when you know they were never intended to fill in your blank spots?  It's FREEDOM, guys.  PURE FREEDOM.  I'm convinced that good relationships must start here.

As for right now, this walk, for this season, is all about me, my God, and my family.  Do I believe that God has a later on that includes His guy?  Absolutely.  I think He has big plans, but I'm willing to live life fully until His timing comes into play.

See God loves me so much that He is prepping him for the awesomeness that is me and my crew (there's a lot of folks to love here!) while he preps us for the awesomeness that is him... and today I'm okay with that.

I believe the journey is so much better if we both have a beautiful life story once we meet, and that story isn't "I've been waiting....and waiting.... and waiting."




So, today I'm giving myself flowers... and I'm not waiting in line for them.  I'm picking them straight from my flower garden, because what God is growing here is beautiful in the right now.

ChristieAitken@gmail.com , 2014
http://www.ChristieAitken.blogspot.com
http://www.MyOilGirl.com 
Twitter: @ChristieAitken 
Google+: +Christie Aitken 


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