Elf on the Shelfers- We Need To Talk

I've wrestled over whether I should bring this message to you.  Really, I have.

The fact is, though, there are some things that need to be said.

For the sake of every elf ...

So that your kitchen has a chance of looking more like this...

And less like this...

And for the love of all things red and green and sparkly ...

Do NOT stop reading.

As uncomfortable as this may be, we have to go here.

It's quite possible that you are an Elf Micro-Manager.

Not sure?  Go look at your elf.

Is it making snow angels in a pile of flour?

Writing messages on your bathroom mirror in snow?

Got it's head stuck in a bag of M&M's?

Now... did YOU put your elf in that position?

That's what I thought.

I'm definitely talking to you.

As much as you've decorated your efforts, you are part of the problem, my friend.

And as precious as I'm sure that you are, you are just one of a group of rebels who didn't read the book that came with your elf.   (I mean, come on! I always hear you complaining of how your "children don't come with an instruction manual," but then you get an elf that DOES come with one... and you don't read it.  That's cute.)

As I think you'll agree, we have a lot of work to do here.

Problem: You are one of the parents who TOUCHES your elf.

The book specifically says that touching elves has a side effect of lost magic.
Just who gave you the right to interfere with North Pole creativity and magic?!  

See, your elves have written to me.  They have filed North Pole HR complaints.  

They are DONE with your shenanigans.

And the Big Guy is on alert, too!  They've begged Santa to just let them continue making toys... to NOT promote them to the shelf in your home.

Know why?

Because you're freaking them out.

(How ya' feeling now, Boss?)

You spend a month every year robbing your elf of its dignity.

Every single time you set them up in a marshmallow bubble bath in the bathroom sink, a North Pole Elf quits its day job.  For real.

You are creating statistics... little Robo-Elves who know how to do what they're told, but have no mind or magic of their own.

Admitting that you have a problem is the first big step, though.

There is hope and it comes in the form of "Elf Parents."

Yeah... that's those parents who some of you have been calling "slackers."

Or maybe you were too refined to go there and you just peeked down your nose at them as you made your poor elf repel from the ceiling fan in the great room?

Yeah.  Don't think that Santa didn't see that that. (You may have quit believing, but he never quit watchin', dude.)

Anyway, the relaxed parents ... I want you to study them.

I want you to see what I see. 

I see hope and the future of young elves and the elves we've yet to meet.

I see promise as that group of parents faithfully allows North Pole grads to fulfill their elf destiny without interference.

Their elves may not arrive until December 23rd and they may not leave again until Valentine's Day, but these pillars of of parenting strength are willing to allow the learning curve.

They are willing to be ridiculed in their parenting styles in order to create elves with passion and purpose.

They don't allow the pressures of the world to conform the lives of their elves.

The result?

When their elf decides to go to move from the kitchen to the den, your Facebook feed is about to get slammed by the celebratory posts.

They aren't creating productions, so they get to see the moments and enjoy them for all that they are.

So chill out.

Stop freaking your elves out.

Start speaking the language of hope to the elves in your care.

They need you to stop with the marshmallows.  

They are begging you to put away the shaving creme and fake razors (because seriously- they are like 5 and you're making them shave!).

They are seriously tired of getting blamed for the laundry that you threw all over the den.

I just saw one of them tweet, "Your Mama don't work here" to their elf owner.

Take the hint.

Breathe in YOUR invitation to freedom as you hand your elf back theirs.

Merry Christmas.

Happy New Year.

Your life is your own again... and elves everywhere just got promoted with a smile.

How ya' feeling NOW, Boss? :)

©Christie Aitken, 2013
Twitter: @ChristieAitken 
Google+: +Christie Aitken 
FB: http://www.facebook.com/ChristieA 


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